March 15, 2010
• Frasier and Niles Crane were the first metrosexuals.
• If you’re vegan and don’t eat eggs, would you be hypocritical if you were pro-choice?
• Toothbrushes keep getting bigger and more ergonomically designed but decorative holders have the same size holes.
• Are people who constantly think the world is going to end suicidal?
• There is nothing quite as awesome as being the first one into a jar of peanut butter. (This is not wisdom; it’s just my personal observation.)
• Sometimes the grass on the other side might be greener. That’s because it’s astro-turf.
• Have you ever seen a blue raspberry? No? Then why is it a candy and slushy flavor? Who decided that was the red fruit that had to change its color?
• I love that people don’t want to eat hot dogs and bologna because it’s “gross,” but eat honey. You know that’s bee vomit?
• The best way to get rid of Jehovah’s Witnesses is not to say you’re Jewish or Atheist, but be knowledgeable and play “stump the witness.” If you’re not polite though, I suggest buying the Satanic Bible.
• I like the idea of a remote whistle to find my lost keys. But if I can’t find my keys, what makes you think I won’t lose a whistle?
• If I say the day we are born we start dying, am I pessimistic or realistic?
• Sometimes I turn the volume up on foreign films so I can read the subtitles better.
• A disposable aluminum pan is still technically a metal pan.
• A duvet cover is the same thing as a comforter cover. The package only says “comforter cover” because associates were tired of explaining “duvet” to customers.
• Do parents who want their children to become doctors ever properly teach them how to write?
Monday, March 22, 2010
Dear Freud, Do you Have a Minute?
March 14, 2010
Last night I dreamed I had a battle of wits with Brian Williams. My friends Ashley and Kevin were there to help at a Speedway gas station in front of a Publix grocery store.
I remember pumping the gas, but don’t remember what car it was.
Brian Williams had a convertible that reminded me of a toy I once had. My Barbie rode in style in her light aqua blue convertible with pink interior.
Kevin said something clever and Brian Williams stood dumbfounded.
“See! I told you he’s nothing without his writers!” Kevin ended his input of the debate and walked off towards Publix. It was quite defiant.
“He did that the last time they talked too,” Ashley explains to me and then turns back to Brian.
I hate that I don’t remember all the lines of the debate. I just know my side won.
Last night I dreamed I had a battle of wits with Brian Williams. My friends Ashley and Kevin were there to help at a Speedway gas station in front of a Publix grocery store.
I remember pumping the gas, but don’t remember what car it was.
Brian Williams had a convertible that reminded me of a toy I once had. My Barbie rode in style in her light aqua blue convertible with pink interior.
Kevin said something clever and Brian Williams stood dumbfounded.
“See! I told you he’s nothing without his writers!” Kevin ended his input of the debate and walked off towards Publix. It was quite defiant.
“He did that the last time they talked too,” Ashley explains to me and then turns back to Brian.
I hate that I don’t remember all the lines of the debate. I just know my side won.
Thoughts While Channel Surfing
March 13, 2010
There’s a best of Ed Sullivan from the sixties on PBS.
Currently it’s Petunia Clark. She looks like she’s having seizures when singing “Downtown.”
I’ve decided the lead singer of the Four Seasons has a better range than Mariah Carey.
I think it’s funny that I don’t understand the meaning behind many of my favorite songs. I think if I knew, I might like them less.
My dad used to answer us with song lyrics.
“Dad can I have some ice cream?”
“You can’t eat your puddin’ if you don’t eat your meat!”
“Dad can I have that toy?”
“You don’t always get what you want….” When we learned, we finished this before he could.
“But if you try sometime….”
“You get what you need.”
This inevitably left us toy-less; however, if we were clever enough we might get a cherry soda.
I don’t remember what would start it but we also heard, “How come my dog don’t bark when you come around?” I think I heard this one night when my brother or I came home late after curfew.
If someone bullied you, you needed to “get a pearl handle, double edge, hollow ground, super blue blade, adjustable, stainless steel, honed edge, both blades on the same side so when I cut you once, you gonna bleed twice.” (This was paraphrased often.)
Dinner usually contained a “rubber biscuit?!” The Kinks were present for cups of tea and alcohol.
I even remember having an afternoon daycare tutor that we sand too for help.
“Rhonda, help, help me Rhonda.”
I don’t remember listening to Beach Boys then and I’m certain they weren’t still on the radio. I’ll blame Dad.
So, when he called me in college one time I don’t think he was surprised at my reply.
“When you coming home Allie?”
“Dad, I don’t know when.”
“But we’ll get together then?”
It’s weird that music played such an important role in my life and I’m now in a relationship with a slightly more ignorant – musically speaking – person.
“What do you like?”
“Not crap.”
His favorite bands include Misfits and Tool. He’s also a big fan of Dimmu Borgir, Rammstein, Otep, Apocalyptica, Stabbing Westward, Cradle of Filth, Metallica, H.I.M., and Dragon Force. He’ll listen to a Lynyrd Skynyrd album on occasion. He has Pink Floyd’s, The Wall and because of friends we’ve lost, he listens to Johnny Cash. For some unknown reason he’ll listen to Lilly Allen with me. I can only assume it’s because of the funny lyrics. He likes Greenday and No Doubt, but refuses to say he likes anything remotely punk. When I was a DJ, he’d ask me to play “that Flock of Seagulls song about the use your love or something.” (The song’s is by The Outfield.)
I enjoy most of what he listens to, but when I suggest music along the same lines, he tends to disapprove and say it sounds nothing like it. Maybe I don’t music as mush as I think I do?
I have a picture I started one year of a woman dancing. She wears a white tank, red skirt, and bandana. My own style of patterns and doodles in marker covers the entire picture. In the background, I started writing the lyrics to the soundtrack or my life. It’s not finished. The first song is one of the first I remember trying to learn the lyrics. There may have been favorites before then, but my memory’s that good. I had a white tape with “Kid’s Songs” on it. When I learned how to fast forward, it was to “The Bear Necessities.” My dad made it seem like such a profound song even before I understood what profound meant.
Still watching Ed Sullivan show.
It’s an odd concept to think “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction” was raunchy at one time.
I’m really just waiting to see SNL with Jude Law and Pearl Jam. I know the skits have gone down hill significantly in the last few years, but I still like the music parts. It forces one hit wonders to actually play another song. It’s hard for me to spend money on an artist if they bomb on SNL.
It’s too bad PBS has to ruin good programming with asking for money. When I win the lottery, I’ll throw a little their way.
Does anyone know why the bird is the word? I’m hoping seeing the band perform it might answer that.
“Good Lovin’” is now ruined for me. I’m not sure about the Rascals’ outfits of, well, I guess you’d call them knickers? But I guess if they’re named after the Little Rascals the smaller pants and little ties with blouses is clever.
The Supremes’ hairdos remind me of a girl I work with at the mall. By the way, does anyone know if Ross is intentionally missing an earring?
A dog inspired “Good Vibrations.” I’m learning so much tonight. Brian Wilson said his mom told him “Dogs know a good guy from a bad guy by their vibrations.”
I’ve about decided the biggest hits in music are either inspired by love/lust or something just plain ridiculously weird. Remember “Nice to Know You” by Incubus? He said it was about his arm falling asleep while on an airplane. Another weird one about a plane trip would be Filter’s one hit “Take a Picture.” He drank too much and ran around the plane naked on a bet. I bet you’ll now search for those lyrics.
I feel Sly and the Family Stone deserves respect. You don’t have to like, love, or hate them. I just think you should respect what they did for music and culture at the time. With that said, I only listen to them at weddings and when I used to DJ. More often than not I change the station when they some on the radio.
Watching the Doors makes me think Val Kilmer peaked early in his career. I still think Jim Morrison and Madmartigan were his best roles, aside from Batman of course.
SNL is on, and it’s been longer than thirty minutes of typing.
There’s a best of Ed Sullivan from the sixties on PBS.
Currently it’s Petunia Clark. She looks like she’s having seizures when singing “Downtown.”
I’ve decided the lead singer of the Four Seasons has a better range than Mariah Carey.
I think it’s funny that I don’t understand the meaning behind many of my favorite songs. I think if I knew, I might like them less.
My dad used to answer us with song lyrics.
“Dad can I have some ice cream?”
“You can’t eat your puddin’ if you don’t eat your meat!”
“Dad can I have that toy?”
“You don’t always get what you want….” When we learned, we finished this before he could.
“But if you try sometime….”
“You get what you need.”
This inevitably left us toy-less; however, if we were clever enough we might get a cherry soda.
I don’t remember what would start it but we also heard, “How come my dog don’t bark when you come around?” I think I heard this one night when my brother or I came home late after curfew.
If someone bullied you, you needed to “get a pearl handle, double edge, hollow ground, super blue blade, adjustable, stainless steel, honed edge, both blades on the same side so when I cut you once, you gonna bleed twice.” (This was paraphrased often.)
Dinner usually contained a “rubber biscuit?!” The Kinks were present for cups of tea and alcohol.
I even remember having an afternoon daycare tutor that we sand too for help.
“Rhonda, help, help me Rhonda.”
I don’t remember listening to Beach Boys then and I’m certain they weren’t still on the radio. I’ll blame Dad.
So, when he called me in college one time I don’t think he was surprised at my reply.
“When you coming home Allie?”
“Dad, I don’t know when.”
“But we’ll get together then?”
It’s weird that music played such an important role in my life and I’m now in a relationship with a slightly more ignorant – musically speaking – person.
“What do you like?”
“Not crap.”
His favorite bands include Misfits and Tool. He’s also a big fan of Dimmu Borgir, Rammstein, Otep, Apocalyptica, Stabbing Westward, Cradle of Filth, Metallica, H.I.M., and Dragon Force. He’ll listen to a Lynyrd Skynyrd album on occasion. He has Pink Floyd’s, The Wall and because of friends we’ve lost, he listens to Johnny Cash. For some unknown reason he’ll listen to Lilly Allen with me. I can only assume it’s because of the funny lyrics. He likes Greenday and No Doubt, but refuses to say he likes anything remotely punk. When I was a DJ, he’d ask me to play “that Flock of Seagulls song about the use your love or something.” (The song’s is by The Outfield.)
I enjoy most of what he listens to, but when I suggest music along the same lines, he tends to disapprove and say it sounds nothing like it. Maybe I don’t music as mush as I think I do?
I have a picture I started one year of a woman dancing. She wears a white tank, red skirt, and bandana. My own style of patterns and doodles in marker covers the entire picture. In the background, I started writing the lyrics to the soundtrack or my life. It’s not finished. The first song is one of the first I remember trying to learn the lyrics. There may have been favorites before then, but my memory’s that good. I had a white tape with “Kid’s Songs” on it. When I learned how to fast forward, it was to “The Bear Necessities.” My dad made it seem like such a profound song even before I understood what profound meant.
Still watching Ed Sullivan show.
It’s an odd concept to think “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction” was raunchy at one time.
I’m really just waiting to see SNL with Jude Law and Pearl Jam. I know the skits have gone down hill significantly in the last few years, but I still like the music parts. It forces one hit wonders to actually play another song. It’s hard for me to spend money on an artist if they bomb on SNL.
It’s too bad PBS has to ruin good programming with asking for money. When I win the lottery, I’ll throw a little their way.
Does anyone know why the bird is the word? I’m hoping seeing the band perform it might answer that.
“Good Lovin’” is now ruined for me. I’m not sure about the Rascals’ outfits of, well, I guess you’d call them knickers? But I guess if they’re named after the Little Rascals the smaller pants and little ties with blouses is clever.
The Supremes’ hairdos remind me of a girl I work with at the mall. By the way, does anyone know if Ross is intentionally missing an earring?
A dog inspired “Good Vibrations.” I’m learning so much tonight. Brian Wilson said his mom told him “Dogs know a good guy from a bad guy by their vibrations.”
I’ve about decided the biggest hits in music are either inspired by love/lust or something just plain ridiculously weird. Remember “Nice to Know You” by Incubus? He said it was about his arm falling asleep while on an airplane. Another weird one about a plane trip would be Filter’s one hit “Take a Picture.” He drank too much and ran around the plane naked on a bet. I bet you’ll now search for those lyrics.
I feel Sly and the Family Stone deserves respect. You don’t have to like, love, or hate them. I just think you should respect what they did for music and culture at the time. With that said, I only listen to them at weddings and when I used to DJ. More often than not I change the station when they some on the radio.
Watching the Doors makes me think Val Kilmer peaked early in his career. I still think Jim Morrison and Madmartigan were his best roles, aside from Batman of course.
SNL is on, and it’s been longer than thirty minutes of typing.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)