One Lined 'Wisdom' and Such

March 15, 2010

• Frasier and Niles Crane were the first metrosexuals.
• If you’re vegan and don’t eat eggs, would you be hypocritical if you were pro-choice?
• Toothbrushes keep getting bigger and more ergonomically designed but decorative holders have the same size holes.
• Are people who constantly think the world is going to end suicidal?
• There is nothing quite as awesome as being the first one into a jar of peanut butter. (This is not wisdom; it’s just my personal observation.)
• Sometimes the grass on the other side might be greener. That’s because it’s astro-turf.
• Have you ever seen a blue raspberry? No? Then why is it a candy and slushy flavor? Who decided that was the red fruit that had to change its color?
• I love that people don’t want to eat hot dogs and bologna because it’s “gross,” but eat honey. You know that’s bee vomit?
• The best way to get rid of Jehovah’s Witnesses is not to say you’re Jewish or Atheist, but be knowledgeable and play “stump the witness.” If you’re not polite though, I suggest buying the Satanic Bible.
• I like the idea of a remote whistle to find my lost keys. But if I can’t find my keys, what makes you think I won’t lose a whistle?
• If I say the day we are born we start dying, am I pessimistic or realistic?
• Sometimes I turn the volume up on foreign films so I can read the subtitles better.
• A disposable aluminum pan is still technically a metal pan.
• A duvet cover is the same thing as a comforter cover. The package only says “comforter cover” because associates were tired of explaining “duvet” to customers.
• Do parents who want their children to become doctors ever properly teach them how to write?