Lessons Learned and Things Pondered

“Are you going to turn into one of those blogger people?” my boyfriend says after I finished my first post. “Isn’t that just feeding into the system? I mean you’re already watching that lame Fatty Show.” There is a slight smirk on his face as he jabs me.
The “Fatty Show” is also known as Biggest Loser. I don’t endorse the show, but let’s face it if you only watch TV on the old rabbit ears you are bound to have to watch a reality show at some point. I would like to watch one with a positive outcome as opposed to ones with even more over exaggerated drama. However, I do tend to eat copious amounts of snack food while watching.
“Yes. I will be one of those people.” I smiled and sipped my wine. Then as gracefully as I could, I turned to my computer to consider the next post. Honestly though how graceful can you be when the only place you can pick up the neighbors’ internet is perched on the corner of your sofa’s arm?

I learned two important lessons last night. Our cat would much rather be given a sponge bath than be put into a tub of water, and the dog will most likely not want to even approach the bathroom after hearing the cat get bathed.
If you’ve never given a cat a bath, I think you should at least once. The noises out of its little body gave me more reason to believe that they are most evil. I was truly surprised to not find every demon in a ten mile radius on my door step. “We heard the call. What’s up?” Their pitch forks waving and tails wagging.
The cat obviously hates the water. I fully understand that. But why does he jump in the tub after my shower and stare at the water droplets falling down the curtain? He needs to make up his mind.
In any case the poor thing ended up soaked, and I left with claw marks down the arm. He unfortunately has one stiff section of fur on his neck. We both gave up on rinsing him completely.
During this ordeal, my dog curled into the smallest ball possible in the corner of the hallway dreading what was next. Normally she acts like a constant three year old. I tell her to do something and she gives me the “do I have to?” look. I say yes, and she eventually does it stomping her feet the whole way. Last night though, you would think I was asking her to step into a tub of lava. I can’t say I blame her after hearing the dying demon only moments earlier.
Have you ever seen a 50 pound dog shake like a Chihuahua? It’s both unsettling and the funniest thing ever.
The next funniest, is said mutt shaking every water droplet off her body sending half of the water flying to the pitiful cat in the corner trying to dry.

Now, for something completely different.

At work today we pondered something that I think may be just as epic and important as the debate of whether Goofy is a dog, and whether animal crackers are really crackers or cookies.
“If everyone had x-ray vision what do you think you’d wear?” a co-worker asks as we unwrap the days clothing shipment.
“I’d wear nothing. What’s the point? You can already see it all.” I reply in my infinite wisdom.
“Well I at least wouldn’t wear bad lingerie.”
“Why would I even want to have x-ray vision? There are tons of people I don’t want to see!” a third employee gets involved. (It's of note, she also watches the Fatty Show religiously.)
“Do you think if you dated superman you’d wear sexy underwear, or would it just be pointless, kind of like knowing the ending to a movie?”
“If I dated superman and we got into an argument, I think I would find a sharpie and write on my stomach ‘you’re not getting laid tonight’.”
I wish I could say the conversation continued but someone opened quite possibly one of the ugliest pants so far. We all of course had to comment on it then.